theonlywayismelbourne

Blogging from Down Under

It’s a jungle out there

A complex creature, they sense weakness at 1000 paces, pouncing quickly and efficiently on their enemy. Cold heartedly dismembering their prey before it knows it was even in the danger zone.

They tear into it piece by little piece until there is nothing left but the bruised, sometimes bloodied remains of what was once a living thing.

Relationships hold no value for this most callous of natures creations, they are a lone creature preferring to hunt and attack alone. There is no regard for blood lines as their killer instinct kicks in, it doesn’t matter who the prey is, in fact the closer the relationship to this creature, the better, it makes the fight so much more meaningful for them somehow and the subsequent victory – for they always win. That much sweeter.

It has a finely tuned sensory system meaning it knows exactly how and when to push the buttons of its prey to draw it out into the open, where it is exposed, vulnerable and helpless.

Knowing just the right time of the day to strike, this creature has a sixth sense enabling it to establish when its target is at its weakest and when it can achieve maximum devastation with minimum effort.

And it’s at this weakest point, that it chooses to pounce, performing a ritual, passed down from generation to generation and honed to perfection to impose maximum impact.

The toddler tantrum.

Done properly, the tantrum can be heard for miles around, and is a sight to behold, serving as a stark reminder to other inhabitants of the urban jungle just how dangerous the oft spotted toddler can be when it does not get what it wants.

It begins with the shouting, moving on to screaming and then crying at lightening speed. This scream is so loud that it temporarily deafens its intended prey just long enough to render them incapable of speech.

Years of knowledge passed down through the genes means that the toddler recognises that reasoning will be the first line of defence from the tantrums target.
The toddler knows that this must be blocked at all costs and after the temporary deafening procedure, it moves on to the next stage of the process.

The statue
Never in nature has this been used to its best advantage than here. Other urban jungle inhabitants can only helplessly watch in awe as the statue forms.

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Credit

They look on in wonder and pity as the toddler refuses to move an inch from the spot that he is in. No matter where that spot is. The toddler knows that for maximum impact it must perform the statue move in the most dangerous place possible and will usually be able to manoeuver the situation so that the statue move takes place on a busy road or in a car park – anywhere which means that the danger levels are ramped up.

This serves 2 purposes, it adds an extra element of danger to the prey, pushing their heart rate up, which then leads to stupid decisions being made by the prey in an attempt to extricate themselves from the situation. The prey will attempt to forcefully pull the toddler out of the dangerous situation, playing right into the toddlers evil hands, for it is at this point that the crying and screaming is ramped up to such a degree that it looks like the prey is attempting to kidnap the toddler thereby drawing others into its intricate ritual. The toddler matches its prey move for move knowing the embarrassment will soon nip this attempt at freedom firmly in the bud.

Depending on the mood of the toddler the statue can be carried out repeatedly. Stopping and starting suddenly so as to cause maximum frustration. The toddler revels in the game play and knows exactly how to push just the right button for absolute victim meltdown.

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Credit

Laughing in the face of the preys pitiful attempts at regaining control of the situation the toddler then engages all tactics simultaneously, shouting, crying, screaming, and repeatedly reinstating the statue signature move until it moves on to the last stage – the kicks and pushes.

Until finally . . .

The battle is over, the blood spilt, the wounds, gaping and open and the tears flowing.

The toy car is given back to the victor who brandishes it cruelly in the face of its adversary.

The loser is left to lick its wounds and plan tactics for the next time it is ambushed.

Keep your wits about you because it’s a jungle out there.

Linking up with Grace for FYBF.

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25 thoughts on “It’s a jungle out there

  1. I refuse to believe my godson tantrums

  2. OMG this is absolute gold! So beautifully written. For a moment I thought that you were talking about my relationship with my sister and I. lol x

    • :-) ha Thanks!
      It is just unfortunate that we actually have to experience it in order to write about it, I am sure I pulled a stomach muscle trying to wrestle him into the car. X

  3. Trish MLDB on said:

    Brilliant description !

  4. Lol. It sure is! I’ve already experienced one such event this morning. God help us all!

  5. My four year old through an epic tantrum in the shoe store a few days ago. Epic embarrassment. I had to pull out the big guns. I got the phone out and pretended to call Santa. This lame tactic actually worked.

  6. Love this, so very true!

  7. LydiaC Lee on said:

    I love this image – that the toddler is the powerful beast…too true!

  8. Yep they do tend to have the upper hand don’t they – certainly in my house! :-)

  9. shelleyjmarsh on said:

    Funny I decided to read this post tonight – I have just finished living through my worst toddler tantrum to date! Someone did not want to sleep in their own bed – 1.5 hours later she fell asleep next to the door. I had to wedge the door open and put her into bed as she muttered “I don’t want to sleep in my bed”. I am feeling battered and bruised and are not looking forward to the battle again tomorrow night!

  10. This is hilarious!!! One of my nephews can crack a mean tantrum! So funny! xxx

  11. Bahaha! Too funny and you absolutely nailed it!

  12. Perfect! What a great job you did of describing the old tantrum. Brilliant :)

  13. Oh it brought it all f,posing back – there are one or two tantrums that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to erase from my memory – and each time I see another parent going through the same, I just have pity.

  14. I’m so sorry – that was meant to be ‘drama’ not f,posing – whatever that is hehe

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