Arrivals and Departures
Let me tell you about my sister.
My big sister is beautiful, strong, brave and has the biggest heart of anyone you could ever meet. She also has an inner strength that she doesn’t know she has but I always knew was there. And no more has she needed that strength than over the last few days.
As I write this my beautiful brave sister is undergoing an emergency C section having already endured a gruelling 50+ hour labour. I am sitting here feeling completely and utterly useless wishing I could do something to help, but instead I am watching my phone like a hawk, willing it to light up and tell me something yet jumping every time it does because I am afraid what it might say.
To say I have mixed emotions at the moment would be a not so small understatement.I am scared for my sister, after all this a major operation, but I am also happy that very soon this pain will be over and she will be holding a beautiful baby in her arms, she is going to be a mum, make me a (very cool obviously) Auntie and make a little cousin for my little bear.
I have run the whole gambit of emotions over the last few hours to be honest, but, there is one other emotion that I am feeling, after all the slight difference in my situation is that in just a few hours time I am going to be boarding a plane to go to the other side of the world. Talk about your bad timing!
The other emotion?
Guilt that I won’t be able to stay to help my big sister after the birth, guilt that I want to stay when my husband is already in Oz and has been since April and to stay would mean keeping our own little family apart even longer and depriving him of seeing his own little Bear , what right do I have to do that? Guilt, guilt, guilt.
So I am sat here, watching, waiting, feeling worried and guilty and knackered and excited and miserable.
But hopefully soon there will be a safe new arrival, and I don’t mean me in Australia.
But that too!