48 hours in . . .
I have been here for a couple of days now and I think that it is finally starting to sink in that this is it, this is my home, its where I am going to live for the next who knows how long. Its the start of a new chapter, a new beginning, so many possibilities , blaa, blaa, blaa.
So why do I feel so sad!
It is a weird feeling, Stephen is due to go to work tomorrow and then I am basically on my own, let loose on the unsuspecting Melbourneese (is that what you call Melbourne residents?)
The trouble is I have no idea what to do. I know that I have to pull myself together and get things moving for Oliver, but I really have no idea at all where to start, which is so strange because I did do my research before I came, but it just all seems so different now that I am actually here. I do feel bad because, I know that I should be feeling so happy now that my little family is back together and husb is so happy and excited that we are finally here that he wants to take us out exploring everywhere. Don’t get me wrong of course I am happy to finally be back together, but it is so hard to explain to him how I feel without him thinking that I don’t want to be here, when the truth is I actually do, but I am just overwhelmed and jet lagged I think and finding it hard to summon the energy to do anything.
I guess it is different for him because he has been here since April already and he has had that time to settle in at his own pace. I also think that the fact that he is working makes a massive difference as he is occupied for a large chunk of the day and only really has to fill a couple of hours before bedtime and then it all starts again.
For me its different, it sounds strange but it sort of feels like I have just had a baby and I am reaching day 3 or 4 where you get weepy and overwhelmed with all the hormones, except I haven’t got the hormones to blame. Where you feel like you basically have to go out and make a life for yourself from nothing and it is all too hard. Thats how I feel at the moment. I know that my feelings are (probably ) normal, and that I should give it some time, after all I have only been here for 2 days, but I am quite impatient and want to be in a nice settled routine right now, I suppose the situation is made worse by the fact that none of our furniture is here yet. So we are living in one room of a massive (very nice) house. I am sat typing this on the sofa bed in the lounge with a mattress spring up my jaxxy, which is not really helping my unpleasant mood!
I also still haven’t changed the time on my phone either which I suppose doesn’t help me in settling in.
On the plus side (it took me a while to get to one I know), Oliver is settling in really well, he seems to be in a great mood and is loving that daddy is around again, he is so happy and smiley and full of energy and is sleeping really well ( so far). He is having the time of his life running round our very large empty house, it is a bit of a change from our pokey london flat.
So it is small steps for me, I think,
Number 1 – change the time on my phone.
Number 2 . . . . Buy an umbrella- its still bloody raining 🙂