We went to visit the Australian Farmyard Friends the other day. It is really good fun,
apart from our brush with certain death that is.
It all started off well enough, the Bear was having a fine old time wandering around and staring at the goats, lambs, puppies (not strictly farmyard but hey who am I to argue) chucks, and the rabbits and guinea pigs. It was all very pleasant, as we crouched over the little bunnies giving them a stroke (in Bears case, pulling bits of their hair and poking them in the eye, but he was in the right ball park so that worked for me). As I say all was going swimmingly,
until . . . .
until it all went rather dark for a moment, like a total eclipse.
What was going on I wondered, who turned out the lights?
I looked up from my crouching position to see where the light went as it got darker and darker before my very eyes until I was confronted by what I can only describe as the largest denim clad arse I have ever seen looming closer and closer, lower and lower, blocking out all of the light, the owner of said large arse stepping back further and further until I thought her crack would gobble my Bear up whole and he would be gone forever.
In what seemed like slow motion I dived in front of him so that I could sacrifice myself to this most hideous of fates. ‘Not like this’ I thought desperately as the vortex began to suck me in, ‘must. get. away’ but then just as soon as it had threatened to engulf my offspring it was gone. Solar eclipse over, photograph of darling child with guinea pig taken the owner of the vortex bum was gone, off to sacrifice another persons child for the sake of a good photo opportunity no doubt.
Did I say anything? Did I bring big bums attention to the fact she nearly killed my child? Did I advise her to be more careful or she’d have me to deal with next time?
Don’t be daft!
I am British, I tutted, came home and wrote a blog about it.
Haa that’ll teach her to mess with me!