theonlywayismelbourne

Blogging from Down Under

Rules of the road

I am not the best of drivers.

I have now been living down under for the grand total of 2 weeks and 2 days and have so far managed to avoid driving in Melbourne since my arrival.

The first weekend I was given a free pass as I had only just arrived and in my sleep deprived state would have probably caused a fatality or two just reversing out of the garage.

My second weekend, I was instructed by husb that I would be driving to the sofa shop to get some experience, the plan was, husb to drive to sofa shop to show me the way and me to drive back. I’ll be honest he didn’t really get my ‘buy in’ on the whole driving back thing so I nodded my agreement to his plan, safe in the knowledge that I had no intention of driving back and therefore would not be doing so. After a rather stressful shopping expedition with the Bear climbing all over the lovely sofas getting his dirty foot prints everywhere, we made a speedy exit to avoid having to pay for a white patent leather chaise lounge, that the Bear had taken quite a fancy to.

As we dashed out of the shop, we all got back in the car in our usual position, me passenger, husb alpha driver, Bear squirming rear passenger. If I am honest, at this point I knew I should have really mentioned that I was supposed to drive home but I reasoned that by the time I had moved the driver seat so close to the steering wheel that I was almost on top of it, changed and checked my rear view mirror, then changed my right and left wing mirrors, I might have hindered our speedy getaway, so I kept my mouth shut.

A lucky escape in both senses of the word on that occasion.

But that was last weekend, this weekend, there were no more excuses.

This weekend we decided to get out of the city and explore some countryside so we ‘rugged up’ and began the adventure to the Dandenong Ranges with me at the helm.

Our car here is an automatic, which is a whole different ball game to driving a manual. Trying to negotiate busy Melbourne traffic, trams, a much larger car than I am used to and an automatic gearbox meant we met with many a brush with near disaster on our way. So to help other visitors to this fine country I have drawn up a list of rules of the road to hopefully avoid death.

1. A car driver is supposed to stop when a tram stops to avoid an untimely death for the tram passengers alighting the tram.

2.When merging into 3 lanes of fast moving traffic, do not attempt to change gears by putting your foot on the non-existent clutch and hitting the break instead. Hard. Aside from the near multiple car pile up which ensues, this manouver also leads to a lot of angry horn beeping and rude gesticulating.

3. Hook left turn – no idea, can anyone help me out with this one?

4. erm

Well I did say I wasn’t a very good driver.

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2 thoughts on “Rules of the road

  1. I concur, you are an awful driver, just don’t hit kylie

  2. Can’t guarantee it.

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