An insight into a second
Having a 6 month old baby in our house over the last few days has given me the tiniest of glimpses into life as a 2 child family. I have discovered that it. is. really. bloody. hard.
I have listed a few things I have noticed in the short time that we have been a temporary 2 child family.
1. Constant thirst due to the fact that it takes approximately 2 hours to make a single cup of tea. Boiling the kettle while feeding small child, forgetting all about it when toddler starts using the sofa as a trampoline and chucking himself head first off the back repeatedly whilst grinning in the knowledge that apart from a bit of telling off there is nothing much mummy can do to discipline him due to the smaller child pinning her to the sofa sucking away contentedly at the bottle that must not be moved under any circumstances or screaming will commence. AND BREATHE.
Add to this the fact that toddler knows that mummy is powerless to even raise her voice for fear of upsetting younger child and you are in a catch 22 right there. Should you, however be quick enough to boil water AND get it into the cup with the teabag, 9 times out of 10 it will be left for so long that when you finally get round to drinking it, it is stone cold and the consistency of treacle.
2. Resigning self to the fact that the screaming that is a constant from toddler and on occasion baby does not stop when you fall into bed at night time. The screaming continues even in your sleep, there is no getting away from it. Real or imaginary it is there, the lines blur. The screams haunt your dreams, and you desperately wish for the usual voices in your head to tell them to shut up, but even they have retreated.
3. You no longer recognise the child that was once your loving toddler as you watch with horror as before your eyes he morphs into the spawn of lucifer, the biting of which you were so proud of your superior parenting skills for getting rid of, returns with avengance. Toddler seems to lose the ability to hear and therefore when you are attempting to reason with him to not ram the baby into the furniture with the babywalker, he continues to run pushing baby at full speed through the house, narrowly avoiding the corner of the breakfast bar/fridge/door/tv cabinet, while curiously managing to go careering headlong into your shin before finally deciding to heed your advice and stop it by chucking it (baby and all) on its side.
4. It now takes 3+ hours to ready ourselves to leave the house for anything, even if it is just for a short jaunt to the shop for a pint of milk, this task requires military preparation. One cannot be lulled into a false sense of security thinking that because you finally manage to get everyone into their correct prams that you are ready to leave. This is a rookie mistake, don’t think you are ready until you are actually over half way to your destination because by then
should when anything happens it is too late to turn back anyway. I have learned this the hard way, in the short time that I have been a (practising) mother of 2, I have been caught out on 10 too many occasions, by this false inflation of my own organisational skills. Many a time I have congratulated myself and opened the door to leave the house, sometimes I have even had 1 foot already out in the fresh air and we have a full on
CODE BROWN pooing situation, or
CODE WHITE vomitathon, or
CODE BEIGE double ended firing on all cylinders (it’s a mixture – clues in the name).
Now the only thing worse than this is when we enter the zone of DEFCON disaster (code beige + toddler tantrum).
When you reach the DEFCON stages it really is best to abandon all hope of leaving the house as this combination really should be renamed DEATHCON (as in the death of your social life). Nothing can really explain that feeling when you have to extricate small baby from the soaking wet, stinking, crappy pram, attempt to clean up baby and pram while toddler screams the house down and smacks himself repeatedly around the face getting redder and redder, while squirming himself out of his 5 point harness like some sort of devilish Houdini hybrid before running around the room, attempting to stand on baby’s head, head-butting mummy and ramming his Thomas the Tank against mummy’s leg.
Better to just stay at home and have water on your cereal.
5. We now cannot go to any destination for longer than a 1 day trip, due to the fact that with the addition of all the baby paraphernalia as well as the toddler paraphernalia 2 prams, 2 travel cots, steriliser etc we now have to hire another car to fit everything in. How is this possible, I ask myself and husb, when we have a monster truck? Well turns out it is not really a monster at all, it is more like the monsters younger, smaller, useless little brother.
6. Abandon all hope of blogging regularly ever again, unless of course you have the foresight to write all your blogs for the next 5 years, while you are still pregnant and still a mother of just the 1 little cherub and then simply schedule them as regularly as you want them to be published after baby is born. (This has the added benefit of meaning that you can blog to your hearts content about how perfect your life is and how baby is a perfect little sleeper and toddler has taken to him/her so well, it is like they always came as a package, he is so loving towards baby etc etc, when in actual fact you haven’t got time to go for a wee in peace).
Although you may have to switch your comments off as you are clearly not going to have time to respond to them and you don’t want anyone; either
a) questioning your idyllic ‘perfect’ life as a foursome family
b)thinking you are rude for not replying to their comment and then not coming back again to read your blog about how perfect your family life is.
So those are just a few small things I have noticed since becoming a temporarily extended family. My small insight into life with 2, and this is with 4 whole adults taking care of the 2 little people. I really don’t know how normal families do it.
Any tips gratefully received (as will any babysitting offers).
Has anyone got any to add to this list from further experience? I’d love to know?
Got to dash one of them is pooing/crying/tantruming/vomiting/bashing self on the head again.
I’m flogging with Grace today for Flog Yo Blog Friday.