Tonight is our last night in the UK before we return to our life Down Under.
On the one hand I am looking forward to going home while on the other hand I feel unexplainably sad to be leaving.
During the short time we have been here in the UK I have witnessed how attached the Bear has become to his Nannies, Grandad, Aunties and Uncles as well as his cute little cousin and it makes me feel sad and very selfish to be snatching him away again.
We have been here for a month already and I really don’t know where the time has gone. It has flown by so quickly, it feels like we have only just got here and if I am honest I don’t feel quite ready to go home just yet.
Even in the short time that we have been here I’ve seen his vocabulary grow and his little cheeky personality shine through and become stronger the longer we stay here. Which makes taking him away from all of his extended family that much harder.
Tonight I saw the sadness in Nannies eyes as she kissed him goodnight knowing that this will be the last time she does it for a while and it broke a little bit of my heart right off. Knowing that it is because of us that she is so sad makes me feel awful.
I’ve seen the benefits of having his extended family close by, seen first hand how he loves his big Uncles company. How his gorge bag little cousin dotes on him and follows him around and how the Bear is so loving and gentle (mostly) with him playing with him when he is there and asking where he has gone when he is not.
I see the potential that these two little people have, their two emerging personalities mirroring each other. I can see just what a close knit mischievous pair they would be playing together and what a great relationship they would have if they were just given the chance.
It breaks my heart if I think about that lost potential too much. If I linger for too long contemplating how it could be.
I know that they’ll see each other again and I take comfort in that but I also know that it won’t be the same as it is now when they meet again. They are both at such a beautiful innocent lovely age at the moment and when next they meet they’ll be older, and just that little bit more worldly wise, different to how it is now.
It makes me sad
For now I know that this is how it is, it’s the path we chose for our little family.
I know that, But it doesn’t stop me thinking how different it could be. . .