Blogging from Down Under

Mixed feelings.

Tonight is our last night in the UK before we return to our life Down Under.

On the one hand I am looking forward to going home while on the other hand I feel unexplainably sad to be leaving.

During the short time we have been here in the UK I have witnessed how attached the Bear has become to his Nannies, Grandad, Aunties and Uncles as well as his cute little cousin and it makes me feel sad and very selfish to be snatching him away again.

We have been here for a month already and I really don’t know where the time has gone. It has flown by so quickly, it feels like we have only just got here and if I am honest I don’t feel quite ready to go home just yet.

Even in the short time that we have been here I’ve seen his vocabulary grow and his little cheeky personality shine through and become stronger the longer we stay here. Which makes taking him away from all of his extended family that much harder.

Tonight I saw the sadness in Nannies eyes as she kissed him goodnight knowing that this will be the last time she does it for a while and it broke a little bit of my heart right off. Knowing that it is because of us that she is so sad makes me feel awful.

I’ve seen the benefits of having his extended family close by, seen first hand how he loves his big Uncles company. How his gorge bag little cousin dotes on him and follows him around and how the Bear is so loving and gentle (mostly) with him playing with him when he is there and asking where he has gone when he is not.

I see the potential that these two little people have, their two emerging personalities mirroring each other. I can see just what a close knit mischievous pair they would be playing together and what a great relationship they would have if they were just given the chance.

It breaks my heart if I think about that lost potential too much. If I linger for too long contemplating how it could be.

I know that they’ll see each other again and I take comfort in that but I also know that it won’t be the same as it is now when they meet again. They are both at such a beautiful innocent lovely age at the moment and when next they meet they’ll be older, and just that little bit more worldly wise, different to how it is now.

It makes me sad

For now I know that this is how it is, it’s the path we chose for our little family.

I know that, But it doesn’t stop me thinking how different it could be. . .


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14 thoughts on “Mixed feelings.

  1. Helen W on said:

    Wow the time sure has flown by. Its so hard to know what is best for the little people in our lives. I think if they see you happy they are too. You have alovely life over in Australia so enjoy making memories then come back to the UK and bear will pick up where he left.xx

  2. I bet it’s hard, having close family makes kids so happy. But I’m sure you’ve made the right decision, for the long term. And if this feelings still hang around when you’re back, then maybe revisit them. Safe trip back – wow that went fast x

    • Thanks Em, it has gone really fast and I feel more tired now than I did before we left after cavorting round the country to visit everyone! Thanks for the advice, I am going to see how I feel when we get back, hopefully once I’m back I will feel better. X

  3. I can’t believe it’s been a month already. I don’t know what to tell you. We moved to Australia from the US to be close to family, and I can’t imagine NOT having them close by. Like Em said, maybe see how you feel when you’re back here, and some big conversations and decisions may need to be made? It is hard to have a small family of your own and no extended family support close by. xox

    • Thanks A, yes I think we will see how we feel when we get back. It is just hard going back but then I want to go back but then I don’t, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. šŸ˜¦

  4. Oh… This is so sad Rhian… I can’t believe it has been a month already… Thinking of you. And, have a safe trip back to Oz.

  5. Are you back? Are you back? I really felt for Bears grandmother not having access to Bear. Thank goodness for Skype xx

  6. Meant to write having access to Bear whenever she wanted to. Can’t believe your trip is already over x

  7. Wow a month flew by! My friend is in Sydney and although she feels the same she always says the quality of life there is brilliant and she’s really glad she made the move. It’s always sad saying bye to family but I hope you feel like you’ve landed at home when you reach Melbourne x

    • Thanks Tas. I think we did make the right decision like your friend but I think I am just having a bit of a wobble. I do love it but you are right it is so hard to say bye to family not knowing quite when you will see them again in person. X

  8. Pingback: 2013 – More new beginnings. | theonlywayismelbourne

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