It’s been a bad day – please don’t take a picture.
I’m borrowing a few words from REM today because, well, . . . .clues in the title.
If I’m honest it’s been a bad few days but I couldn’t find song lyrics to suit, so just work with me.
I have been feeling pretty low over the last few weeks really, nothing horrendous, just life getting on top of me a bit. It’s hard work this stay at home mum lark.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting for a minute that it is any easier being a working mum I am just saying that in my situation as a stay at home mum I’m struggling a bit.
I am tired,
like really tired.
I feel like I can’t keep up the pace for much longer, I am in my own little rat race stuck on a hamster wheel (should that be rat wheel?), that I just can’t get off.
There is no respite – ever.
I love my kids, of course I do but I just feel so drained. Like I need to crawl into bed and sleep and sleep until I start to feel like I’m in control again. Who knows how long I’d need to sleep for.
I fantasise about sitting curled up on the sofa with a hot cup of tea and a good book and actually reading it. My reading currently extends to bills and kinder newsletters (which I have to scan read because one is screaming the place down or the other is demanding snacks or they’re both doing it at the same time) making me just want to go and hide in the corner until either they reach 18 or daddy gets home, whichever is closest, sometimes I have no idea.
And I feel so guilty all the damn time, why can’t I control my child? How am I not able to teach him right from wrong, good from bad without making him cry. Why can’t I have more patience? Why is everyone around me so much better at this than me? Why can’t I juggle playing together, preparing food, snuggling together and keeping a tidy house? I am a stay at home mum after all, it’s my job isn’t it, isn’t this what I am supposed to be devoting my time to – why am I in constant danger of losing my Shizz – all the time.
As I am writing this, the tiny one has just woken up and started crying, she’s only been asleep 15 minutes. The house looks like this . . . .
and I just haven’t got the energy.
Where is my duvet . . . . .