The top 5 fibs I’ve told my children.
Now, come on, don’t go reading this and being all shocked and offended by the fact I’ve told little white lies to my children (read child the others too young to understand) plus I could tell her anything at all and as long as I am
saying it in a singy songy voice she’ll be giggling away like a goodun.
Nah this is fibs I’ve told the Bear because maaaaan that boy asks a lot of questions.
A lorra lorra lot (Cilla Black my Aussie friends – google her).
But back to it – don’t you go trying to tell me that you haven’t told the odd tiny little fiblet, every once in a while. (Or everyday in order to get 30 seconds peace before the next set of questions begins.)
So, here they are – my top 5 porky pies.
Fib Number 1
The ice cream van that was outside of the gym was, in actual fact, there to collect the ice creams and take them back to the ice cream factory and no, unfortunately, not there to deliver some more.
Oh c’mon don’t tell me you haven’t! In my defence it was cold and raining. Ok it is not really a defence but it did add a subtle depth to my white lie giving it just the right amount of believability.
Fib Number 2
No, my darling of course guacamole is not made from ‘applecados’ (avocados) which I know that you detest. No, no, it is actually made from the fruit of the ‘mole tree’, the moles (pronounced molees) are then mashed to make ‘guac-a you guessed it folks mole’!
Don’t judge me.
I’ll resort to anything to get that boy to eat his greens.
He didn’t buy it for a second.
Smart cookie that one – gets it from me!
Husb however was totally marvelling at why he had never seen a mole in the shop before.
Ok he wasn’t.
Fib Number 3
Picture this, you were late to bed the night before, you didn’t have the best nights sleep and number 1 child wakes up from his slumber far too early and comes barreling in to your room ready to start the day. I KNOW you’d be lying if you didn’t admit to telling your child it was still nighttime and to go back to bed until morning time. Even I struggle with the blatant barefaced liar liar pants on fire lie that this one is.
We have taken this a little further however, installing blackout blinds in every nook, cranny or crevice we can see that would show a chink of light in an effort to get him to sleep. Don’t even try to tell me this phrase hasn’t passed your lips at some stage. If you say it hasn’t then you are either lying (shame on you with your blatant untruths) OR you really are happy to get up with the larks and before the bin men and get down to some serious early morning play.
If this is you then I am sorry we can no longer be friends.
Fib Number 4
I am a SuperHero,
yes, I am a Super Hero you read correctly. What’s my super power? I have eyes in the back of my head. I am the all seeing eye. Even if it looks like I can’t see you attempting to garrote your little sister with the cord from your toy crane – believe me when I say, ‘I can see you, I know what you are doing’ I SEE EVERYTHING.
Now this one has been tested on more than one occasion, the Bear did attempt to catch me out the wily little minx by asking why he couldn’t see my extra pair of eyes. I cunningly told him that my hair covered them but the crazy staring eyes could still see him from beneath my golden tresses.
Hmmm, reading this back, I *may* have traumatised him. (Although not enough to stop him garrotting his little sister).
And Finally to Fib Number 5
I’m really sorry we can’t watch ‘Frozen’ today. I mean, I would love to, it is just that Elsa and Ana have gone on holiday to Hawaii for the foreseeable future to mend their tattered relationship so everything has melted.
What?! if you are not guilty of them all you must have said at least one of these – haven’t you?
No? What’s your fav fib then? Do tell so I can use it on my kids too.