theonlywayismelbourne

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Archive for the category “Humour”

I went to the cafe – you’ll never guess what happened next . . . . .

I had a coffee!

What a story eh!

Don’t you just love those click fodder titles though, I saw one the other day and the title was something ridiculous like the one above and turned out to be such a non-story. Well let me assure you people I have one helluva story for you.

Keep reading . . . . .

So I am currently into my weight training ‘it’s all about dem gainz people, it’s all about dem gainz’.

Coupled with this, I am also currently studying to be a Personal Trainer  – I have nearly finished my Cert iii actually and have my practical assessment this weekend. In addition I am also following a Paleo(ish) diet.

Anyway part of my training regime involves me ensuring that I am getting enough protein in order to grow my little baby muscles but I really struggle with the traditional protein shakes (they taste gross) so I have jumped on the ‘Bulletproof’ bandwagon and now after I have been to the gym I make myself a Bulletproof coffee in my mixer shaker thing.

For those unfamiliar with the Bulletproof concept  – you basically put grass fed butter, MCT/Coconut/Brain Octaine Oil and whatever else takes your fancy, into your coffee, whizz it up and Bobs your Uncle –  Bulletproof a go go! Weird as it sounds it tastes really creamy and I have developed a bit of an obsession with it. So much so I have started adding my protein powder to it as well and having it as a post workout protein hit.

So far so weird?!!!

To continue, and provide some background for this story I must let you know that I am currently typing this (while I should be studying) in a busy cafe soaked from head to foot in Bulletproof!

As is everyone in the immediate vicinity to me.

What happened? Well let me fill you in. I’ll be honest,  my obsession got dangerous. I took my trusty shaker to the cafe, ordered my long black with extra hot water, poured it carefully into the shaker, started to shake and  . . . . .

Yep

Everywhere

I thought the top was closed, it was,  but the hot water created some sort of non vacuum meaning hot coffee, butter, oily mixture sprayed all over me and all over every.single.person sat within a 2cm radius of me.

I am sitting here mortified,

stinking of coffee, and,

attempting to style it out!

N.b Very difficult to style it out when you, all those around you and all of your hard written notes, are covered in coffee.

Ashamed!

On a side note though  – Give Bulletproof a try it’s awesome.

And wish me luck for Sunday!

Right I’m going for a shower.

The Bear – A week in the life.

Monday: Why is poo brown Mummy?

Tuesday: Why don’t you have a pouch for me to sleep in like the kangaroo Mummy?

Wednesday: Why can’t people walk on the microwave Mummy?
Me: The microwave?
Bear: yes the microwave, where the bridge is.
Me: The microwave, cooks our food.
Bear: no, no where the cars are
Me: do you mean the motorway?
Bear: yes Mummy, the microwave
Bear: why can’t people walk on the microwave Mummy?

Thursday: Can I eat my chalkboard Mummy?

Friday: I have a headache in my trousers Mummy.

Saturday: Where is England Mummy?
Bear: Is it in America Mummy?
Bear: Is it in Australia Mummy?
Bear: Mummy, is England in Melbourne?

Sunday: How did Florence get in your tummy Mummy?
Mummy?
Mummy?
Mama?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuum?

Me: Ask your father.

I confess – I’ve been having an affair

Bless me blog readers for I have sinned, it has been too long since my last confession and the weight of guilt weighs heavy on my heart. I must get it off my chest, I must assuage the guilt.

I could give you all sorts of excuses, I was lonely, my husb doesn’t understand me; but the truth is, it was all me.
I started the whole thing. It was upon my selfish insistence that my loving husb finally gave in simply to make me happy. And how do I repay him?

By having an affair.

Read more…

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