theonlywayismelbourne

Blogging from Down Under

Archive for the tag “humour”

The top 5 fibs I’ve told my children.

Now, come on, don’t go reading this and being all shocked and offended by the fact I’ve told little white lies to my children (read child the others too young to understand) plus I could tell her anything at all and as long as I am
saying it in a singy songy voice she’ll be giggling away like a goodun.

Nah this is fibs I’ve told the Bear because maaaaan that boy asks a lot of questions.

A lot

A lorra lorra lot (Cilla Black my Aussie friends – google her).
But back to it – don’t you go trying to tell me that you haven’t told the odd tiny little fiblet, every once in a while. (Or everyday in order to get 30 seconds peace before the next set of questions begins.)

So, here they are – my top 5 porky pies.
Read more…

The Bear – A week in the life.

Monday: Why is poo brown Mummy?

Tuesday: Why don’t you have a pouch for me to sleep in like the kangaroo Mummy?

Wednesday: Why can’t people walk on the microwave Mummy?
Me: The microwave?
Bear: yes the microwave, where the bridge is.
Me: The microwave, cooks our food.
Bear: no, no where the cars are
Me: do you mean the motorway?
Bear: yes Mummy, the microwave
Bear: why can’t people walk on the microwave Mummy?

Thursday: Can I eat my chalkboard Mummy?

Friday: I have a headache in my trousers Mummy.

Saturday: Where is England Mummy?
Bear: Is it in America Mummy?
Bear: Is it in Australia Mummy?
Bear: Mummy, is England in Melbourne?

Sunday: How did Florence get in your tummy Mummy?
Mummy?
Mummy?
Mama?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuum?

Me: Ask your father.

The aliens are coming . . . .

I am feeling pretty good about all things exercise at the moment.  I have managed to get out and work up a sweat and feel like I have properly worked out which is great.
So great in fact that I thought I would share with you my little exercise experience the other day.

I had been for a run/jog round the lake and was feeling pretty good so I thought I would reward myself with  a quick coffee before picking the Bear up from crèche.

I finished off my run with a sprint *ahem* finish and headed straight into the cafe gasping for air breathing deeply only for the young girl behind the counter to visibly step back when she saw me, before recovering herself and hesitatingly offering me a seat with a slightly scared looking smile.

I sat down and as I turned my back towards her to sit down I heard a very audible gasp before again she recovered herself. Seriously what’s wrong with her though I, does she have asthma? Should I be offering her some assistance?

She backed away from me and went about her duties while I had my leisurely coffee and fed baby Bear, all the while the cafe getting busier and people double taking at me as they walked past my table. I thought it odd, but put their lingering looks down to the fact that I had THE cutest child ever and they were clearly just admiring.

Well before I knew it, it was time to set off to pick up the Bear. I nipped to the loo before I headed off and it was there that I caught sight of myself in the mirror. Read more…

What my 3 year old said . . .

Good morning mummy, I recognise that it is quite early and you are still sleeping so I will go back to my room and read some books quietly until you come and get me.

Thanks mummy for that delicious yet healthy snack you have prepared for me. I will eat all of it up at the speed of a normal human and not take 15 minutes and 5 bites to eat 1 blueberry.

Read more…

The perils of being a woman – Peril 3 Fake tan

Lets face it, there are so many variables with fake tan aren’t there. Us ladies for some reason seem to be unable to attend any event or in fact go anywhere that involves getting our legs out without first having some form of colour to disguise the fact that we have translucent veiny alien like skin.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know that there are some very brave and confident ladies who don’t give a fig about such stupidness and are more than happy to bare their white bits for the world to see.
To you ladies, I salute you.

I, however, am not of those brave band of woman who choose not to follow the crowd, who choose to step away from the mainstream norm. I am absolutely what is known as a sheep. I’ll be perfectly honest here, I like to be the same as everyone else, I don’t like to stand out, I like to blend in and be in the cool gang. Well I like to try anyway.

Read more…

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