theonlywayismelbourne

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Archive for the tag “toddler”

The Bear – A week in the life.

Monday: Why is poo brown Mummy?

Tuesday: Why don’t you have a pouch for me to sleep in like the kangaroo Mummy?

Wednesday: Why can’t people walk on the microwave Mummy?
Me: The microwave?
Bear: yes the microwave, where the bridge is.
Me: The microwave, cooks our food.
Bear: no, no where the cars are
Me: do you mean the motorway?
Bear: yes Mummy, the microwave
Bear: why can’t people walk on the microwave Mummy?

Thursday: Can I eat my chalkboard Mummy?

Friday: I have a headache in my trousers Mummy.

Saturday: Where is England Mummy?
Bear: Is it in America Mummy?
Bear: Is it in Australia Mummy?
Bear: Mummy, is England in Melbourne?

Sunday: How did Florence get in your tummy Mummy?
Mummy?
Mummy?
Mama?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuum?

Me: Ask your father.

What my 3 year old said . . .

Good morning mummy, I recognise that it is quite early and you are still sleeping so I will go back to my room and read some books quietly until you come and get me.

Thanks mummy for that delicious yet healthy snack you have prepared for me. I will eat all of it up at the speed of a normal human and not take 15 minutes and 5 bites to eat 1 blueberry.

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When your child has a better social life than you.

You know things are bad when your child’s social life is better than your own.

He is not even three and yet already his social calendar is fuller than mine.

Currently my social life consists of :-

– Going for many many long solitary walks in an attempt to kick-start labour,

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It’s a jungle out there

A complex creature, they sense weakness at 1000 paces, pouncing quickly and efficiently on their enemy. Cold heartedly dismembering their prey before it knows it was even in the danger zone.

They tear into it piece by little piece until there is nothing left but the bruised, sometimes bloodied remains of what was once a living thing.

Relationships hold no value for this most callous of natures creations, they are a lone creature preferring to hunt and attack alone. There is no regard for blood lines as their killer instinct kicks in, it doesn’t matter who the prey is, in fact the closer the relationship to this creature, the better, it makes the fight so much more meaningful for them somehow and the subsequent victory – for they always win. That much sweeter.

It has a finely tuned sensory system meaning it knows exactly how and when to push the buttons of its prey to draw it out into the open, where it is exposed, vulnerable and helpless.

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The story of how we nearly bought a house

Our suburb in Melbourne almost always has an auction on for houses selling in the streets surrounding us.

Selling houses via auction seems to be really popular in Australia and it seems like pretty much 99% of the houses here are sold that way. It is quite different to how it is done in the UK, although there is the odd auction (usually for the huge mansions), the vast majority are sold by simply putting in an offer with the agent and seeing if they accept.

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